We Need To Talk...
Updated: Feb 12, 2020
A Back To School Message With Lots of Run On Sentences, Grammatical Errors and So Many Cuss Words
As we prepare to send our kids back to school, I want to take a moment to address the moms out there. Spoiler alert, I swear a lot in this, like A LOT, so if you are sensitive to that kinda stuff, toughen up and read it anyway, it’s important!! So I know as mothers we have 8000 things to do everyday and that’s just before 10am, but I am going to ask you to do one more thing before you go to bed tonight; talk to your kids about bullying. No matter how old your kids are, whether they are starting kindergarten or preparing for their final year of high school, let's all remember, behavior is learned. Whether we like that hard truth or not, it is. It’s learned through the shows they watch, the social media apps they use, and the friends they interact with. But it’s mostly learned from you, the parents. And while I don’t want to be held responsible for every stupid thing my kids may say or do, I also realize that who they are as human beings reflects back on how they were raised at home, and what they learn through my everyday interactions and behavior. So lets get to the truth telling and tough love.
When I was a kid, I was bullied. And while I will never understand what I did to put that target on my back, I do understand now as an adult how the bully mentality manifests itself in females. (While both boys and girls can be bullies, for the sake of this post I am going to focus on females because that’s the first hand experience I have). In my experience there are two main factors that produce such vile little trolls aka “the mean girls”. Learned behavior and low self esteem. Let's talk learned behavior first. Somewhere along the line, these girls learned that making fun of people, gossiping, mocking, laughing and pointing at kids, calling girls names like whore and slut, or dumb bitch was acceptable, and not just acceptable, it gave them status and it made them feel better about themselves. My bet is that most of these mean girls grew up in a home where their parents mocked and ridiculed people too. They probably had a mother that gossiped about and judged others, put people down, laughed at those who were less fortunate, and did it all right in front of them as though there was nothing wrong with being cruel. And if that’s the behavior they saw, then that is the behavior they saw to be acceptable, even normal. It’s not far fetched to say the moms of mean girls are also mean girls; crass behavior handed down generation to generation. And without anyone taking a hard look at themselves in the mirror, recognizing the disease and changing the pattern, it just continues down the line from mother to child, wash, rinse, repeat.
The second factor that produces bullies is low self esteem. Imagine hating yourself so much that calling another girl a whore is something you do for laughs? Imagine being entertained by mocking other girls on social media or sharing videos of you and your friends harassing and threatening another girl?? Imagine how sad and empty a person you must be to go out of your way to hurt someone else. Every.Single. Day. Even after the school bell rings, and the day ends, you hate yourself that much that you continue to spend your time tearing someone else down, because that is the only way you know how to feel worthy? What must that feel like to be so mean all the time? That kinda mean takes effort. Like A LOT of time and effort, and that is sad in itself, that nothing else is as worthy of your time than making someone else feel like shit. Can you imagine being that miserable???
So here is my request, moms, take a look at yourselves, be really fucking honest. Do you gossip? Talk shit? Judge others? Make fun of people for the way they look? Care too much about what other people are doing? Care too much about what other people think of you? If you answer yes to any of this, perhaps it is past time you cut that shit out and grow the fuck up. Seriously. You will be so much happier if you just focus on you and your family. Stop judging other people. Stop caring if you’re popular or important. Your kids are listening to you, despite the fact you've asked them 7 times to unload the dishwasher and that thing is still fucking full, they really are listening to you, and they are learning how to be human beings. So.....take a yoga class, breathe, talk to a therapist. Get a facial. Get a drink. Get out of town. Just whatever you do, stop being a cunt. Your daughters and sons will thank you. And you might just find that YOUR OWN self esteem grows. Because when you are kind and build people up instead of tearing people down, you’ll find yourself surrounded by good vibes and positivity. And those good vibes are contagious. So contagious you might just start rubbing that shit on everyone you meet, including your kids and then they’ll be happy and positive too, and that’s something worth handing down through the generations.
Also, have a talk with your daughters about self esteem, self worth, body image. Take their pulse, find out what’s really happening in their world. Check out all their social media accounts even the ones you don’t know about (yes they have those). Give them your open mind and open heart and find out who they are or who they think they are. Help them, hold them and talk to them about bullying. Send them off to this new school year as a better, happier, kinder kid. Because that is our job as mothers; to make sure our kids aren’t assholes. And it can be hard at times, but at the end of the day it is our greatest responsibility. It’s the golden rule for fuck’s sake, do unto others as you would have done unto you. We learned this shit in kindergarten!!! Come on!!
So now that you’ve rolled your eyes back in your head and said “who the fuck does this bitch think she is?”, let me tell you who I am. I am a woman who was bullied as a kid by the mean girls. I survived and thrived and if I could tell my younger self anything it would be to stand up and fight back. But in the moment when you are being bullied and belittled and embarrassed, you don’t have the confidence of a grown ass adult with hindsight who knows everything is going to be ok. So since I can’t get that message through to my younger self or to the kids who are being harassed right now, I’m hoping to get the message out to you, the parents of those shitty fucking kids who treat other kids like dirt. Talk with your kids and make them understand that it is not cool, not funny, and not acceptable. You might learn some scary shit about your own kid along the way, and that is gonna suck, but you have the opportunity to make them happier, grow their self esteem, feel worthy, all the while protecting some other kids in the process.
Life is hard enough without having someone chirping in your ear everyday about what a loser you are or how ugly you are or how no one likes you. Can you imagine walking around your life constantly waiting to get punched in the face or pushed down the stairs, all for a laugh? This shit has to change. We have to change. So let’s change the way we treat each other. We’ll all be happier for it in the end, I promise. Start the conversation today and make tomorrow better for a kid out there who right now is dreading their first day of school.
I thank you. My 13 year old self thanks you. Lots of kids everywhere, including your own will thank you.